June 17

Depression, Flowers & Downpours


Woke up feeling depressed, weak and scared to the bone. Didn’t feel like checking internet/email/social media which is a good indicator that I’m not doing well. I kept trying to tell myself I was pathetic and paranoid but it didn’t help. Was on the verge of tears until the doc came and I could finally let go. The guy did a great job though, to comfort me, but still telling me things about my poor 50% heart rate without sending me into even more panic. He found the right words to tell me that my current condition was ok given the fact that I had a heart attack, that all records were as they should be and that it was important to think positively, and to get out of bed and start walking again. 

He drew blood to do some test to rule out that my “problems” – the twitches – were indeed  serious, which turned out he was right. And so from then on my mood started to change, I began to call my Inner Paranoid to shut up when he started telling me I was developing problems etc. 

S brought a cute little flower bouquet and I went down to the basement to the cafeteria with her (or better: rode the elevator 😉) and we chattet quite some time. Meanwhile, one of the 5 zillion downpours happened outside and made for a nice pic. 

This has got to be one of the shittiest and wettest summers in history. At least I don’t miss anything outside while spending my days in a hospital bed. 

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